Day 40

My sleep has been so bad recently. My daughter has a cold and is waking a lot and I’ve had several bouts of insomnia.

It’s hard getting through the constant fog of exhaustion. It makes me want to slip back into comfort foods and drinks.

Then, out of the blue, last night was the most restful night’s sleep I’ve had in ages. It suddenly occured to me that I forgot to take my supplements yesterday.

When I thought about it, I realised I have been taking my supplements later and later in the day and my sleep has been getting worse and worse. I’m pretty sure something I’m taking is making me restless and wide awake at night.

I need to fix this as sleep is vital, and it also probably means that I don’t need the dose I’m getting. My research seems to point in the direction of B vitamins, so the first change I’m making is to stop the evening dose of niacinamide and boswellia. If that doesn’t fix things, I’ll start removing tablets until I sleep better.

The no wine thing is not going overly well. I had none on Monday but some yesterday. Today has been a long, stressful day with tired and poorly kids so I’m thinking about having a glass…

My eating today has been a bit crappy. I had pasta and cheese and a bowl of cereal for lunch. Then I bought a coconut water as a drink this afternoon while out and about and didn’t realise it has 15g sugar in it! 

And – the rash on my breast has been looking better this week. I really thought it was starting to improve, but today (it’s now 7pm), it’s itching like it hasn’t done for days and it’s all red again.

All in all, not a great day. But – where this kind of day would normally see me giving up and eating a ton of chocolate because it all just seemed too hard and bot wirth it, instead I have made a chicken and butternut squash salad for dinner and resolved to be more aware of my food tomorrow.

Small steps, big journey.

Day 37

My mood has really stabilised after the vortex of sugar withdrawal. I have more patience with the children and I am just happier.

My sleep is suffering still, waking and insomnia are a problem.

My joint pain is so much better. The joints are still horribly tender to touch, but basic movement is now fine, which is mountains better than where I was at the beginning (god, even getting up off the sofa was a total nightmare at the end of the day).

So, changes I’ve successfully made so far:

  1. Cutting out sugar
  2. Restarting exercise
  3. Eating a bit more home cooked food and a few less takeaways
  4. Supplement regime to help my arthritis

Changes I need to focus on, in addition to continuing the above:

  1. Better quality sleep
  2. Some strength exercises
  3. Cutting down the alcohol

Going to try not drinking Mon-Thu. Starts tomorrow.

Insomnia

It’s 2:30am and I’ve been awake for an hour and a half. I’m going to be wrecked tomorrow and it’s Saturday, which means the three children at home and the husband, all needing me to not be wrecked.

I woke up, mid-dream, when my 5 year old came in asking me to find his teddy. Then he wanted a drink. By the time I was back in bed my brain was in full-on analysis mode and sleep has been impossible.

Here’s what’s keeping me awake:

  1. A stomach ache. We had a takeaway curry for dinner and I overate. I noticed yesterday in the playground that my reflection in the school window showed a very unflattering fat stomach. I look about 4 months pregnant. I’ve put a couple of kilos on since cutting out the sugar and all weight piles on my stomach and nowhere else. I need to eat a bit less.
  2. Yesterday morning when I got home I found a blob of what looked suspiciously like semen on the floor outside the kitchen. So my husband must have had a wank before leaving (I left first), which is his business, but why there and why the fuck didn’t he clear up properly?
  3. The fences are rattling. Our neighbour had concrete post and wood panel fencing fitted a couple of years back and even the slightest amount of wind shakes the panels back and forth in the posts. It is so fucking irritating as our bedroom faces the tiny back garden and every time I start to relax I get a fence-shake in my ear to wake me up again. It wouldn’t be sane to go outside at this hour and hammer some planks into the fences at one end to bolster them against the lawn, but that’s exactly what I feel like doing. 
  4. The heating system/radiator is quietly whistling. I’ve tried to turn the fucking thing off overnight but we have a “weather compensator” which basically means our heating system does whatever the fuck it wants.
  5. Our neighbour has left his conservatory light on, which makes our room light up. It can never be dark enough for me at night, so having the room all lit up isn’t helping either.
  6. You know, my parents never, ever touched or hugged me as a child. How exactly do you get over the feeling that you are just not someone anyone would like to touch? It doesn’t help that I have married a man who is exactly the same. He has never been touchy-feely and never comes anywhere near me.

So there we go. Stupid stuff that normally doesn’t keep me awake but tonight it’s all just really, really irritating.

And once you get annoyed about not being able to sleep – well, you’ve had it. Insomnia has been an ongoing problem for me since my first son was born 7 years ago and it truly, truly sucks.

Wish me luck, it’s been two hours now and I’m going to give sleep another go.