When Did I Get So Old?

This is the back of my hand. So dry, and crepey. Eugh! When did this happen? My hands didn’t look like this a couple of years ago. The ageing process really seems to have accelerated recently.

I find it so upsetting. I think it’s because I’m starting to get old, which in itself is okay, but the thing is I never really looked the way I wanted to look when I was younger. So now I feel like I’ve missed the only opportunity I had to be “radiantly healthy” (as they’re always saying in magazines). I don’t have a time of real health and youthful beauty to look back on and think Well, I was beautiful once. I’ve never really felt as if I was. Sob.

And now I’m getting wrinklier, greyer and older.

I suppose a part of this getting healthy quest is in the secret hope that I’ll look a lot better than I do. That somehow it will stop the clock from turning and I’ll look less desiccated.

But that’s the wrong place to put my motivation, I think, because the body changes so bloody slowly.

For example, I could eat completely perfectly tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. I could consume the right amount of nutrients, hydrating drinks fruits and vegetables, lean protein and superfoods. But at the end of the third day, you would not be able to see any difference, visually, in how I looked. In fact, not only that, but physically I would probably be feeling awful because of sugar and junk food withdrawal.

The difference would be inside me, and if I continued then eventually you might see the difference outside. But it takes ages. Cell turnover and hair and nail growth means that the only way you get to see outside changes is if you stick to an amazingly healthy diet most of the time, for months and months on end.

And that’s really hard – because there is nothing like a bit of visual motivation to keep you going, and nothing that makes you want to give up like eating wonderfully for three weeks only to look in the mirror and discover you still look just as old and tired.