Bleurgh

That’s how I feel. I’ve had four days of eating a load of sugar and I feel awful. My skin looks awful. My stomach looks like I’ve put on a kilo. I probably have.

My period is imminent. Work is crazy and life is so busy. There’s nothing wrong with any of it, but at the moment I feel like it all just sucks. All of it. Too much, too overwhelming, too everything.

I was doing so well.

It’s the SUGAR. It derails every other plan and system I put in place. It is a true addiction and I have got to break it.

I’m going to try again tomorrow. Get back up, dust myself down. Don’t lose three weeks of hard work over this.

1. Eat three meals a day
2. Stay away from sugary food
3. Drink water earlier in the day
4. Get enough sleep
5. Move my body

It’s not rocket science. It’s not a punishing health/fitness regime. It’s not anti-social, restrictive or weird.

It’s all I need to do to feel a million times better than I do now.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning I am going to tell sugar we’re over. There’s no room in my life for you anymore. It’s been fun, but you are not good for me and you make me feel bad about myself. We really are done.

The Six Week Sugar Escape Plan

In six weeks I go back to Dr A with my breast rash. I am hoping it will be gone (or as near as) by then as I am cutting all sugar and chocolate out of my diet.

I will take a photograph of the rash each week so I can see if anything is happening. My (crazy?) theory is that the high levels of sugar I am consuming are somehow feeding it. It itches and looks either fungal or possibly eczema-ish (and has not responded to various topical medicines). Either way, I know a high sugar diet is bad news for skin.

I have paracetamol ready for the inevitable headaches, and I am clearing the cupboards out tonight.

In six weeks I’m hoping to:

1. Have a rash-free boob and,
2. Have lost the taste for the evil sweet stuff

Oh – one more thing. Since we’re baring all here with confessions and rashes and everything, here is my right foot:


Another rash. This one is fungal – it covered all my toes last year. Terbinafine cleared most of it but I can’t quite get rid off the bit around my nail. Maybe my sugar break up will starve that rash too. One can only hope, right?

Wish me luck because I’m going to need it. 

Sugar withdrawal is a bitch – just try it yourself for a month if you think I’m being melodramatic. I start tomorrow.

My Breast Rash Is Just A Rash

After 90 minutes at the breast clinic, a lot of prodding and poking, and an ultrasound (suspected nodule, but looked fine on scan), I have been declared fit and well, with no evidence of tissue changes. Hurrah!!

I am super pleased. I do have a follow up in six weeks to get to the bottom of this rash. The consultant asked when I was planning to stop breastfeeding and also to try a 0.5% hydrocortisone cream. Hmm. I am anti-steroid, but I said I could (I probably won’t). 

He said if that doesn’t help, they could do a biospy of around 3mm and see if that tells them anything. I don’t much like the sound of a 3mm hole punch in my breast skin either.

That aside, I came away feeling very grateful.

But I also want rid of this rash, and it really made me think about how easy it is to end up in that waiting room with a diagnosis that no one wants to hear.

This afternoon I realised that it’s time to make a proper change. I’ve declared the start of my journey. I’ve set up a supplement routine to hopefully boost me out of pain. I’ve checked out a problem that’s been bothering me for a year. I’m 19 days in and it’s time for a more serious commitment to dietary change.

I thought about what to do. Give up wine? Give up sugar?

I am crap at moderation, so I think it just has to be complete cold turkey. I don’t think I can do the wine just yet. And the sugar is the worst offender, by a long way.

So I’m going to stop eating it. No cake, no choc, no sweets, no pastries, no sugary drinks. I want it out of my life.

I have bought some paracetamol to get through the first few days (I get vicious withdrawal headaches when I stop eating chocolate/sugar). I reckon six weeks in my taste buds will adapt, my cravings will dissipate and I won’t want it all the time.

I can do this.

And just maybe quitting sugar will starve whatever the breast-rash is and get rid of it for good, just in time for me to go back and see Dr A and tell him I am fine and need neither a steroid nor a biopsy.

Where Do I Start?

I’ve got the supplements. My diet is next. My really crappy diet.

Last month I spent £45 on sweets, treats and alcohol (I tracked my spending for the first time in ages). In the first three months of this year, we had 25 takeaways. That’s almost one every three days.

Horrible.

I am shocked by my own habits.

So I know that thinking about it, writing about it, reading about it – none of theses things will help. What I actually have to do is DO SOMETHING. I have to DO SOMETHING and get started on this journey for real, not just take some extra vitamins and think that I’m doing something.

The biggest problems are:

  1. Takeaway food
  2. Sugar
  3. Alcohol

Out of those, alcohol is probably a lesser issue. I drink a glass, or just under, most nights (ok, every night). But very rarely do I have more. I have a very moderate drinking problem – too much gives me a headache and stops me sleeping, so it’s kind of self-limiting.

The other two problems are big problems.

I love takeaway food as much as I hate having to cook. And sugar – my sugar addiction is completely out of control, and I know it.

Most days I consume at least two bars of chocolate, plus any number of other sweet treats and bits and bobs. Sometimes I reckon I get 1,000+ calories from chocolate and hot chocolate before lunch, and then I eat hardly anything until dinner. It’s a dreadful, dreadful way to eat and it’s something that has crept up on me gradually.

And do you know what happens next week? Easter.

All the more chocolate for me. I am looking forward to it and hating the idea all at the same time.

So I think the first thing I need to tackle is the sugar. Sugar ages you, destroys your body and causes inflammation. It’s terrible for arthritis.

My sugar addiction kicks in soon after breakfast. With my first cup of tea I like to have a chocolate bar. I’ll have a second bar straight after.

I can’t just stop this habit, there is no way I’d make it through a day. So, I have to replace it with something.

But then there is the problem of Easter. What am I going to do? Do I wait until Easter has gone and then start? Do I start now and ignore Easter? Or do I start now, eat chocolate at Easter and then attempt to pick myself up off the floor and get back on the wagon?

It all just seems so overwhelming, I don’t even want to think about it 😦

But I must. Because I am killing myself eating this way.

There is always going to be something – Easter, Christmas, birthdays, etc. There will always be chocolate on offer. So I think I need to just take it in my stride. It shouldn’t stop me from starting right now with healthier habits.

So I’m going to set out some rules.

  1. No sweet stuff after midday. This one is not too difficult, because I only really crave it in the mornings anyway. I’ve never been one for big desserts at the end of the day, but I have noticed my sweet habit creeping further and further into the day, so I need to stop this one right now. No more treats (that’s cake, sweets, chocolates or sweet drinks), in the afternoons, while I’m cooking the kids tea, or in the evenings after dinner.
  2. I have to make healthy versions of sweet treats if I want to eat them. I absolutely HAVE to get over my hatred of cooking, so I might as well get this started right now. I’m going to gather together some recipes to try and start making them. Then I can eat my own sweet treats instead of shop bought crappy chocolate.
  3. Maximum of one Costa trip each week. Costa hot chocolates have gotten ridiculous. I remember when I was younger I didn’t drink hot chocolate very often because I found it too cloying and sugary. Now I’d drink it daily if I could. And my family are the same – we’re always in there buying the stuff. It’s a shit example for my children, and it’s shit for my health, so we need to cut this right down.
  4. Dealing with Easter: save any chocolate I get until Easter Sunday. In the morning have a chocolate feast. Once I feel sick, chuck the rest in the bin to get it out of the house.

There, I feel better already.

Time for me to go and look up some goto treat recipes, because I’m going to be needing them.