Misery

I just feel like shit. This morning I had to talk to the teacher about something that happened at my son’s school, and I have a client I’m working with at the moment that I took on at a friend’s discount rate, but I feel as though she is overstepping the boundaries in her requests so I’ve got an email to write to reinstate them. Both of these things I hate doing because I am a people-pleaser. I have a dreadful fear of people not liking me (instilled by my mother all through my childhood). I hate this about myself, and I try to counter it as much as I can, but even when I do so successfully I still feel awful inside.

My cravings are enormous right now, which probably means stress is another big trigger. I have felt like crying all morning. I genuinely feel completely awful inside, for no real reason at all. Is this misery the lack of sugar? I’m so pissed off. I definitely wasn’t this upset and pissed off when I was eating it (I was more up and down, whereas now I’m just down).

All I want is to indulge in a big pile of something really nice. Like a giant chocolate bar, and a massive slice of cake from Marks and Spencers. And a hot chocolate. With loads of whipped cream. But I know I’ll just feel awful afterwards, so instead I had a banana.

Fucking hell.

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